dead weight

For some reason I have this unhealthy attachment to my hair.

Yes. I know that is crazy but I do. I will cry in my car after I get a haircut if it does not turn out exactly how I envisioned it. I am a perfectionist and I know that hair is hair and it grows but that doesn’t matter to me. If I am getting it done, I want it right the first time.

I guess you could say it is like my security blanket in a ways. I have a bad habit of constantly playing with it or adjusting it. Although, I am so lazy when it comes to washing it and will wait days to wash it. Growing up I never stopped hearing how beautiful my hair is by hair stylists or how pretty it was when I let my friends braid it. So when it comes to cutting my hair, for whatever reason, it scares me.

I am the type of person to go months without a trim just because I am terrified they will mess up my hair. I have no clue why I am like this, I am constantly looking up different ways to cut my hair but I can never seem to get around to making an appointment. Which makes no sense since I am usually coloring or highlighting my hair a new color every other week.

But I feel as if it is finally time to cut off some dead weight. Literally. My life is continuing to change for the better and I feel as if I need to make that a physical statement. I do not know why a shorter do is the answer but it just seems like the right one right now. I spent weeks and weeks searching pinterest and instagram for something that I actually liked. Needless to say I discovered that I am very picky. One day I finally found it. I came across instagram famous hairstylist who posted a choppy bob (which are very in at the moment) and actually liked it. I could see myself getting it done and not balling my eyes out afterwards. Which is something I typically do if my haircut does not come out  I feel like it will help me not hide behind my hair and be more confident in myself.

So here’s to cutting off dead weight.

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I guess I’m an adult now?

With graduation quickly approaching I have started to rethink my entire life.

Yes, that may sound overdramatic but my anxiety thinks otherwise. I question a lot of things that I have done even though I know that I will be fine and that I have come a long way since I started college. I wonder if the friendships I have made over the past four years were right. If I should have picked a different major. If my major is something that will help bring me a good career in the future.

I sit here with Quizlet open and my notes flooded my bed as I study for my first test of the semester. I pray every night that I get through this semester so I can strut across that stage and make my parents proud. They have done everything for my brothers and me so that we would have the chance to go to college since they did not. I know that this will be worth it in the end but for now I just pray I keep my sanity until I get there.