With graduation quickly approaching I have started to rethink my entire life.
Yes, that may sound overdramatic but my anxiety thinks otherwise. I question a lot of things that I have done even though I know that I will be fine and that I have come a long way since I started college. I wonder if the friendships I have made over the past four years were right. If I should have picked a different major. If my major is something that will help bring me a good career in the future.
I sit here with Quizlet open and my notes flooded my bed as I study for my first test of the semester. I pray every night that I get through this semester so I can strut across that stage and make my parents proud. They have done everything for my brothers and me so that we would have the chance to go to college since they did not. I know that this will be worth it in the end but for now I just pray I keep my sanity until I get there.
After reading my old posts that are all I can say right now. I debated on deleting them all and starting fresh but I don’t think I will. I have certainly taken a break from posting and you can tell. It has been over a year since I have written and my life has definitely changed (for the better). I think it will be a good contrast to my old self versus the person I have become.
I remember when I was worried about boys and what my life would be without them and I can tell you that I did not need any of them. I use to make myself sick trying to be the girl they wanted. I would change myself to fit their mold and that was not healthy. They did help me learn that I am worth a lot more than I thought I was and I am so glad for that. I would never think to change the way I dress or tone down my personality now. I have learned that I deserved someone who likes me for me, not some watered down version.
I am too good of a person to alter who I am.
That is something I will never forget. Before I was okay with getting walked over or being ignored. I thought that in order for them to stay and for them to like me was for them to do whatever without getting upset. And wow I was wrong. Now I am a whole other person, I’m not nervous about what they will like me or cautious of being myself. I know I have a strong personality and I may be intimidating to some but that is okay. I don’t need to change myself because someone does not like it.
I am happy and content with being single. It is relaxing, I don’t have to worry about anyone else. I can do whatever without worrying about them asking if I have any plans. I can be a homebody and binge watch Netflix. I can be selfish and I love that. Yeah, that probably sounds bad but I have always had couples who told me to enjoy being alone while it lasted. And now I am looking at bettering myself. I take time every day to do yoga and learn how to move my body in a new way. I like being able to hop on the mat and do things I would have never thought I could have done before.
I am looking forward to finishing this school year and becoming someone who is proud of herself and does things that will better her to become the person she wants to be. It does get a little stressful at times when I think about how I will be on my own in a few months but I am ready for this new step in my life.